This journey begins on a faithful monday night at 10:01 pm. I was extremely hungry and there was nothing, anywhere, except one solitary hotpocket, in the door of my freezer. I would normally look at it, raise my eyebrow, close the door and leave, but not today. Today was different. I dont think i ate anything that day, except for the peanut butter and jelly big mac (whole nother story).

This was quite a problem. I did not want to risk running into a hot pocket that was not desireable to eat. I thought long and hard about the hot pockets we had in the past, but i couldnt remember, because i dont eat them anymore on a daily basis. Driving down france ave to work at 55 miles an hour with a bitten off hotpocket out the window is a fond memory.

The weight of the hot pocket gave no hints on to which flavor it could be. If i was lucky, it would be a Mozzerella and Meatball, but on the other hand, it could be a cheeseburger, or even ham and cheese.

Smelling it isnt doing the trick either. It smells like ice. My nose is cold. and i still have no idea what kind of hot pocket this is. My hunger is growing beyond belief. It is now 10:07.

Despite the inability to figure out which kind it is, i decide to fire it up anyways. During the two gruesome minutes, i will cross my fingers and prey, that it is a delicious one. I will be heart broken to find a gross one, i dont think i could handle it emotionally.

As it cooks, i sit back, and enjoy a large cup of chocolate milk. The time counts down as i look thru the cupboards again. coming up empty, i take a huge swig of my chocolate milk, and stare at the timer (still praying).

I take the first hesitant bite. I cant taste a thing yet, because my mouth is in flames. I do not care that i am loosing feeling in almost all of my mouth, its food. I hope this is delicous.

'What the **bleep** is this?!!!?'. At this point, i am screaming more obscenities. My mouth kindof hurts, but i can tell by the texture of the flaming crap in my mouth, that this is not good. After choking down the mouthfull of steaming crap, i go to inspect what i just made myself eat.

Upon further inspection, i find out that this crap is "Philly Steak And Cheese". Are they serious? do people actually buy these on their own will? this tastes horrible, salty, horrible, gooey, crap. There cant be any nutritional value in this crap. look at it, would you want to eat that?

final verdict:

absolute crap.

-stubby

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